Negative thoughts beyond social anxiety

Something dawned on me as I was reading through the overcoming social anxiety therapy material, with regards to negative thinking.

All this time I was really focusing on situations or thoughts directly associated with social anxiety, i.e. dreading upcoming events, recalling embarrassment, fearing situations, fearing certain people, ...but then I realized stopping automatic negative thinking can do so much more than just help alleviate social anxiety.

Let me elaborate.

I really love my job but there are still days I wish I didn't have to put down the project I started or I wish I could just take the afternoon off to sit on the couch and watch a movie. But I realized that the way we think really shapes our opinions and outcome of many situations.

• "I don't want to go to work today" = annoyance and bitterness towards going to work and I end up having to go anyway, but now I have an ugly mood to go with me
• "I hate going to church" = dreading going to church every Sunday, anticipating the worst, and starting to dread weekends (insert ugly mood)
• "I hate visiting teaching" = major anxiety and never wanting to be part of it, physical symptoms of dread at the mere mention of it

The way we think, shapes our mood and often leads to an outcome that makes us feel even worse.

From what we think, we create.

(pretty good quote - I just thought of it)

Speaking of quotes, there is a very powerful quote in the therapy that says something like, once you get a handle on your negative thinking the balance of power in your life will switch.

That statement really resonated with me. The fact that I can reclaim the power over my life that social anxiety has taken away is not only hopeful, but very, very powerful. It's what I want and I will do everything I can to get it back.

Now with that said, I do have to share something I'm not very proud of, but something I am woman enough to admit. You know that upcoming meeting I mentioned a little while back that I was trying not to dread? Well, I won't have to dread it anymore because I made up an excuse not to be there.

I know, it's totally going against everything I'm working for, but there are times when even the best of us can't face the bully in the eye. The thoughts of having to introduce myself to a large group and participate in team building activities gave me nothing but a one-way ticket to psychoville. I thought about it every day and knew it might break me if I didn't get out of it. I just wasn't ready.

And although I am stronger than I was a month or two ago, and that I would probably get through it alive, I wasn't willing to take that chance yet. I was afraid that if I failed this test it would destroy me and all that I've worked toward. I couldn't face the prospect of a set-back like that. I need to be stronger before facing something so daunting. And I know it's avoidance, but hopefully I'll move forward to a place that when the times comes to face the bully again, I can face it head-on with my head held high.

Relief Society Pres update:

My relief society president means well (why is it that I always seem to start my sentences off with that when it comes to her?). She called and left a message the other night inviting me to a women's karaoke night at the church. I had to laugh because while her effort is so well intended, her understanding of my anxiety is so off the mark. Karaoke? hahaha. Never. In my mind I picture a cartoon entitled: "Social Anxiety Karaoke Club". And all you see is a stage and a microphone.

By the way, I'm still having a hard time practicing talking more slowly to people (in therapy it's called "slow talk") in order to control anxiety. It's not that it's all that difficult, I'm just not sure how to do it naturally. I still feel like I sound a bit like a slurry drunk. And not that it hasn't crossed my mind, because alcohol would certainly take the edge off (ha!), it's not really the "look" I'm going for. But I'll keep practicing! (minus the alcohol)