It's hard to explain what a panic attack feels like.
For me, it's like a wave of some unknown power washing over me, flooding my mind and body with a darkness, a feeling that I'm going mad, losing my mind and losing total control of my psyche. At that moment I can literally feel that something bad is happening to me but I know I can't do anything about it.And then comes the heart pounding, I can't catch my breath, I feel lightheaded and I'm sure I'm going to pass out, throw up or suddenly collapse. The feeling that I have to get out of that place right now because I actually am having a heart attack and this is what it feels like to die.
Whew. That's a lot.
When claustrophobia moves in
For years I have had horrible dreams that I am trapped in a dark place and have no idea how I got there and because it is so deeply dark (can't see your hand in front of your face dark), I have no idea how I'm going to get out.Sometimes in my dreams I "awake" (again in the pitch black of night) on a platform way up in the air and if I happen to roll the wrong way, I know I'll drop to my death. Other times I "wake up" in a pitch black cave with no idea how I got there and how I will ever get out. And the worst? I "wake up" finding that I'm somehow trapped in a deep dark cave laying on my back under a gigantic boulder that is only about 2 inches above me and there's no way I'm getting out (i.e. cave coffin).
Wow. Are you sweating yet?
And yes, I wake up from those dreams in a complete fit of panic, sometimes calling out to my husband, sometimes choking, sometimes my heart is pounding and I can't catch my breath and I'm having a full blown panic attack.
Now imagine those terrifying feelings while you're awake:
Imagine these feelings of complete terror and panic coming on when you're in a small space, a room without windows, riding in an elevator, flying in an airplane, driving in a car, in a crowded room, being stuck in a wall of traffic or even in a long line of people in a slightly narrow space.The feeling of being trapped has taken over my psyche. It's not only in my dreams, it's in my every day activities, it's even in my conversations with other people.
These feelings of panic and being trapped like to hold hands with social anxiety
It doesn't make sense logically, but being trapped in social situations is also a trigger. When you're having a conversation with someone, you can't just walk away, you're "trapped" until it's socially acceptable to end the conversation and go. You can't just walk away mid-sentence, run out of the room, or turn red and hyperventilate or they'll think you're totally odd (bring on the fear of being judged).This panic has invaded conversations with people (even in my family). Someone looking directly at me, talking fast, talking with intensity, needing me too much or they have popped my space bubble and are standing a little too close. All of these situations have sparked panic attacks.
How do you have a panic attack in front of someone and not look like you're going crazy? Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide! No way NOT to be judged.
How the power of thoughts can change your state of mind
Whatever your situation is, whether you have felt these same dreadful feelings of panic attacks and physical symptoms, claustrophobia, generalize anxiety where you feel that awful energy in your chest and worry all the time, or just in social situations, we all have the power to change our thoughts.I know logically that all of these feelings and physical symptoms are a product of my thoughts. Thoughts and feelings I have pushed down each time I've felt them because they are down right terrifying and they spring back up in physical manifestations. I have always heard how powerful our thoughts are, but I have unwittingly unleashed their highest negative power in my life.
Knowing how powerful our thoughts can be, and that they have gotten me to this point in my life on the negative end of the spectrum, think of how powerful it would be to shift them the opposite direction, to peace and positivity? We are what we think. There is so much power in that statement. Will you use this power for good or evil against your very self?
As a wise person recently told me, in response to my fearful quandry: "There's NO WAY I can talk myself into getting on the plane I am supposed to fly out of in a few weeks!", she replied "Yes, you can.You talked yourself into this state of mind, you can talk yourself out."
Ways you can start changing your thoughts and healing your anxiety today:
Positive Affirmations
This is a video I'm currently watching & reciting every morning:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mSJ4uKRBf0&feature=youtu.be
Counseling Podcasts
This is a great counseling podcast I am currently listening to. It is very insightful and I highly recommend it:
https://www.theanxietycoachespodcast.com/
Follow people on social media who have a positive influential message:
I like this feed because she has struggled with anxiety and depression and found a way to turn her life to positivity despite her struggles and just "gets it".
https://www.instagram.com/positivelypresent/
Her blog has insightful, personal posts too, especially this one on happiness versus positivity:
https://www.positivelypresent.com/2018/11/happiness-vs-positivity-whats-the-difference.html
Daily practice:
There are so many ways you can help redirect your thoughts in a positive way and it takes work, but is worth it. It took me this many years to get to this place, it will take time to reprogram the way I think and feel.
Find things you can do every day to begin to heal, like those I've mentioned above, and focus on redirecting your thoughts every day.
Each time I think a fearful or negative thought I just let myself feel it, address it and move on with a more positive outlook or statement so I don't push down more negative/fearful thoughts that will crop up and get me when I least expect it.
I hope this has helped. I am working hard not to let anxiety and fear rule my life anymore. I will continue to share my journey with you. Please share if you have felt the same way!
