Introversion : Extroversion : Shyness and Social Anxiety

I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be an introvert, especially after a few large client gatherings where I had to interact like I was an extrovert. And yes, my head almost exploded.

Did you know being introverted or extroverted isn't just about being shy or outgoing? It's actually about where we get our energy; what builds us up and what depleats us.

It makes perfect sense, since for me (the introvert) social gatherings suck the life right out of me, but my sister, on the other hand (ms. extrovert), loves to be the life of the partay baby!

Here are a few quick definitions:

EXTROVERT - those who "seek outside themselves" for gratification; feel energized being around people, and find it less rewarding, even boring, to spend time alone.

Characteristics: social butterfly, enthusiastic, talkative, assertive, and gregarious; energized by large social events involving a lot of people.


INTROVERT- those who "seek inward" for gratification, concerned for their own mental well-being; their energy expands through quiet reflection and is depleted during interaction. They become easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and interaction, and often show a preference for a quiet environment with little stimulation.

Characteristics: more reserved and more quiet in groups, preferring to observe and take time to think before speaking. They enjoy solitary activities like art work, computers, writing, reading, and hiking. An introvert enjoys alone time and find less enjoyment spending time with large groups of people, though may enjoy interacting with close friends.


Is why you are the way you are starting to make sense? The definition of Introvert is SO ME, I was surprised not to find my picture next to it in the dictionary.

Okay, now lets look at the difference between being shy and being introverted. When I found this definition, I slapped my head like I could have had a V8. It made perfect sense.


SHYNESS VERSUS INTROVERSION
Being introverted is not the same as being shy or socially inept. Introverts prefer solitary activities over social ones, whereas shy people (who may actually be extroverts at heart) avoid social encounters out of fear.

Ah, the fear factor. I so get that part. So when does fear go past shyness and become social anxiety?


SHYNESS VERSUS SOCIAL ANXIETY
Shyness: being reserved, timid, nervous or uncomfortable about meeting and talking to people, showing nervousness or timidity in the company of others; tending to avoid something because of nervousness, fear, dislike, etc.

Social Anxiety: Beyond shyness, social anxiety is an intense, irrational, and persistent fear of interaction and socialization with other people brought on by feelings of being scrutinized, judged or negatively evaluated by other people. Those with social anxiety often avoid social events or interactions, overwhelmed even months before a social event occurs. Social anxiety brings on symptoms such as shaking, sweating, blushing, rapid heart rate, dizziness, lightheadedness or nausea.

***If a person usually becomes (irrationally) anxious in social situations, but seems better when they are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem. - Social Anxiety Institute


Example of shyness vs social anxiety:

"Many people are a little bit shy. If you're shy, you might be somewhat uncomfortable in situations such as going to a party where you don't know anyone, but you do it. You give yourself a push, you go to the party, after a while you relax and talk to people," says Rudolf Hoehn-Saric, MD, who heads the Anxiety Disorders Clinic at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. "The social phobic person, at the prospect of the same party, would be overwhelmed by such anxiety that [he or she] would have a physical reaction -- perhaps nausea, sweating, heart racing, dizziness -- and would avoid it if at all possible. It's a matter of degree."  In other words, being shy can complicate your life. Having social phobia can stop it in its tracks. " - WebMD

I don't know why, but as I researched and reflected about what all of this means, it made me feel better somehow about who I am and what I'm struggling with. It's okay to be an introvert. I love it here. It's cozy in my world. The real challenge is the outside world with all of its "extroverted things" I have to deal with. I've always been on the shyer side, and even though shyness has catapulted into social anxiety, I'll figure out a way to live my life with the best balance I know how.

Back to the beginning. As I mentioned, the client meetings I've had the last couple weeks all but pushed me over the edge. As I forced my way through each smile, laugh and conversation with clients, I had to check myself to make sure I wasn't going to pass out and crumble to the ground. I was like a robot on high gear, my voice getting higher and higher and faster and faster, until the inevitable short-circuit and firey explosion. I had to get through it because of my job, but everything inside of me wanted to go outside to get some fresh air and never come back.

The energy I had expended in each of those meetings had left me completely empty. When I came home from each event I was so drained that I went straight to bed and slept like a rock. It's amazing what sleep or just alone time can do for the introverted-socially-anxious-soul once it's been over-stimulated. The next day I had the energy I needed to go forward once again.

And move forward I shall.
Hoping the best for you as well.