Learning to Relax

The most amazing thing happened to me this morning. I was finally able to completely relax. And it was life changing.

Part of the therapy is a relaxation exercise. It's about finding the peace and being able to take it with you out into the world. I thought it would be easy. I mean, how hard is it to lay down and listen to a relaxation CD that walks you through the process of relaxing and letting go? Well, to my surprise, it wasn't that easy. For me.

The last few times I've tried it, I have either not been completely comfortable or was not able to fully relax. Until this morning.

And I realized why.

It's not some life changing answer, it's simple. I was alone.

The past few times I tried the relaxation CD (which assumes that you're listening alone), my husband was either in the next room or lying next to me in bed. And although I told him what I was listening to through my headphones and asked him to please not interrupt me, I still wasn't able to fully relax. I found myself holding back, as if on guard for a possible interruption.

This morning, as my husband left early for an appointment and I groggily kissed him goodbye, I felt the pain of a knot shoot across my neck. Either I had slept on it wrong or the stress of yesterday had burrowed itself in my neck. I tried to go back to sleep but could find no comfortable position.

As I looked at the clock and decided I was definitely not ready to get up, I also knew I was not looking forward to a day with a kink in my neck. So I took a chance. I decided to listen to the CD (even though I had just listened last night), in hopes that I would not only loosen up my tight muscles, but find out if listening to the relaxation CD alone really made a difference.

And then...magic.

I got comfortable.

I turned on the CD.

I followed the promptings to relax my muscle groups one by one.

I listened to the words instead of trying to hear all that was said.

I continuously combated the to-do's, have-to's and don't-want-to's that flooded my mind.

And then somehow, I think for the first time in years, I subdued my alert system. The system that is always armed. The one that expects interruptions. The one that listens for noises. The one that listens for intruders. The one that promotes worry, fear and anticipation, whether rational or not. I don't know if it's caused by watching too many Lifetime movies, or a slight psychosis, but whatever it is, I don't think it's been unarmed for years. And although it took major-brain- redirect to disable it, it finally went down.

And at that moment, I felt lighter than I had in years. I literally felt like I was floating. I felt free. I felt peaceful. I had finally let go at a level I hadn't before. It was a feeling that I imagine comes with laying on a soft knit hammock under two shade trees on a warm, secluded beach, with the air filled with sweet blossoms and the only sounds, rolling waves and seagulls flying high above.

It took me there. Without the cost of a tropical vacation.

And as the relaxation exercise came to a close and the stresses boring into my neck had disappeared, I felt more peaceful than I had in years, and I drifted back to sleep.

What I learned:

• Real relaxation takes effort but is worth every bit of the effort you give it.
• Taking time for deliberate meditation every day will change you and your life.
• Meditation is much cheaper than a Hawaiian vacation but gives you the same results.