Trying not to dread Sunday

I've been so good at working on my social anxiety. I've made sure that I do the therapy every day when at all possible. The only time I've had to skip a couple days has been during vacation time when I haven't had any alone time. I am conscientious about doing it and have seen results.

This past weekend my husband and I took a trip to visit some family in a nearby state. I was hoping to feel at ease when participating in activities we'd planned, that in the past have been anxiety triggers. To my pleasant surprise, I felt at ease the whole time. And if I felt myself starting any sort of anxiety thinking (talking myself into feeling it because I didn't) I stopped myself successfully. It was a good feeling.

I did find myself having a little anxiety moment when talking with a family member after my trip, which kind of tripped me up (no pun intended), but I realized afterwards that I'd done a little self-sabotaging (the whole talking myself into feeling it because I hadn't during my trip thing). I know, it doesn't make sense. I decided not to dwell on it too much because I had done so well over the weekend.

But now I find myself in another quandary. Sunday is approaching. The old all too familiar feelings of "Sunday Anxiety", I'll call it, are creeping in. I have dreaded Sundays for so long, I don't know how not to. It's so much easier to dread it than to try to talk myself into feeling okay about it. I'm realizing this part of my healing is going to take a lot of work.

I'm trying to focus on keeping my negative thoughts out - specifically about going to church and all that comes with it - having to interact with the people and participate in primary activities and teach my class and interacting with my children's parents - but I'm finding it more and more difficult each minute I think about it. I know I'll bring on major anticipatory anxiety by doing that so I'm trying hard not to.

How do you talk yourself into liking squash when you've detested it for years? That's what it feels like to me. Saying, "You like church. It will be fine. It doesn't have to be unpleasant. The people are nice. You'll learn to like it." just isn't cutting it for me. I'm having a hard time. It's so much easier to keep on hating it than figuring out how to genuinely like it again. I wish I could call in sick.

It's Thursday night. I have two and a half days to figure it out. Wish me luck.