Church started 15 minutes ago.
...and I'm either blogging in the back row during sacrament meeting, or at home on my computer feeling guilty for not being there...you decide.
It's always the little things that get me on edge. I intended on going today, but the Relief Society is on the prowl, so I'm opting out.
Delusional? Paranoid? Probably a little of both (ha!) but after two calls from the RS (1st from the secretary last Saturday at 9:30pm - seriously?) and then again yesterday from the President, they're definitely not giving up. I guess the Pres had to take matters into her own hands since I didn't call the secretary back! Sorry, I'll stop grinning. It's such a crazy game of cat and mouse.
They want to visit me and talk to me about visiting teaching. Get in line. Get a number. Get a clue.
In case you're late to the party, in my last post I shared that I opted out from being a visiting teacher at the moment, tho I decided to try having them over for a non-traditional "walking-while-visiting-teaching" visit.
In a nutshell? If I'm being honest, it felt totally forced and awkward. The ladies meant well (don't they always?) but when they arrived, it was almost as if they were scared to enter the front door. It was like, "Ok, we're here! We're trying to act like this isn't weird! We won't bother you! We won't even come in! Let's go for our walk!" AAAAWWWWKKKKWWWWAAAARRRRDDDD
BLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then the ironic thing? Neither one of them contacted me again all summer (not that I minded!), and one of them acted like she'd never seen me before when I said hi to her at church. You're dead to me.
I just got an email from the other one last week. Not sure I'll even write back.
WHATEVER!!!!
So now my poor husband had to go to church alone and I feel horrible. When I told him I wasn't going this morning, he was disappointed, but said he "understood" even though he really doesn't understand.
He tried to joke that I was afraid the RS Pres and secretary were going to corner me and I'd have to sneak out, and even though he was trying to lighten the mood, I finally told him I didn't want to talk about it anymore because all it was doing was making me feel bad and more stupid.
And when you say it all out loud? It sounds even more ridiculous than it does in your head. But the pain is real people!
It's the look on his face and the big sigh when I say I'm not going that cuts like a knife. I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish I didn't put him in this position. If wishes were fishes. I never really understood that saying.
So in order to avoid another Sunday catastrophe next week, I guess I will call the RS Pres back this week, to explain AGAIN that I'm not up for visiting teaching (such an uncomfortable conversation and why I have to keep having it I'll never know!) and while I'm at it, I might exnay on the visiting teachers. I mean come on, how many more awkward VT walks can a girl take?!
Good grief!! My visiting teacher sat behind us at Sacrament last Sunday and tapped me on the shoulder to ask if I had been getting her emails. I said, "yes, thank you so much!" Then she said, "Do you think you could explain again what it is you have because I think my son in law has what you do, and I'm afraid we'll never be friends." I didn't know what to say. I was at a loss. I said, well...I think he does like you, he's a guy and guys sometimes aren't that outgoing. I was bla, bla, blaing all over my words, and her husband tapps me on the shoulder to complement my nail polish(which was black, but i'm far from goth, just stylish). Geez! Church is just awkward.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe she asked you that a) during sacrament meeting and b) at all! I'm so sorry. That's a new low in my book! Come on people, have some common sense. Grrr! The crazy people we have to deal with!
DeleteI am so thankful I found your blog. I am fighting social anxiety due to a break up. I was wondering if we could be Facebook friends? I really need an lds friend who understands.
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful I found your blog. I am fighting social anxiety due to a break up. I was wondering if we could be Facebook friends? I really need an lds friend who understands.
ReplyDeleteHi Eleni - thank you for reading! I totally know what you mean about wanting someone to talk to about it that gets it!! It's a tough thing to go through.
DeleteI am not brave enough at this point to reveal my identity and accept facebook friends. You are welcome to post comments here and I will always respond as soon as I am able. I hope you understand. Maybe some day I will be able to share who I am and speak publicly about my social anxiety, but as of now, I'm not brave enough to do that.
Please know that you are not alone. As I have been posting here on this blog, I have had many reach out to me who share the same difficulties. Feel free to share you experiences with me here and I will do my best to offer my help. Sending you my best wishes!
A new job as an assistant to a wealthy man awaited. When I climbed from my car, a neighbor, social anxiety
ReplyDelete