After yesterday's 5,999th excuse to the question, "Are you coming to the ward party?", I realized how tiring it is.
Each excuse has to be realistic. Each excuse has to be believable. Each excuse has to be different enough that no one catches on.
Them: Want to go to dinner?
Me: No, I'm sorry, I have to work late.
Them: Are you coming to the baby shower?
Me: No, I'm sorry, I have to pick someone up from the airport.
Them: Are you coming to the ward party?
Me: No, I have a family event that night.
You name it, I've probably used it. Anything to get out of a social event.
And now I'm faced with my first big work meeting. I've got to think of something. And it's got to be good. And it's got to be long-term.
Them: Are you attending the work meeting?
Me: No, I sorry I can't. I have a long-standing appointment to give blood every Wednesday.
haha No, that won't work. But I'm sure I'll come up with something. I always do.
Post Scriptum:
After I walked away from this blog post, thoughts were running through my head. Something didn't sit right with me. And all at once I realized what it was.
"Excuses is just a friendly word for lies."
Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Now I realize why it's such a heavy feeling. Whenever I make an excuse, I'm actually telling a lie. And since I've become so good at it, it makes me a good liar. And since I feel really bad when I lie, it makes me feel really guilty.
Ah the cycle of despair. How is it justified?
Heavenly Father knows what I struggle with, but does He also condone lying because of it? I think I have to block it out for now. And I have to hope that He does understand. And maybe as I work to try to rise above all of this, it's part of turning weaknesses into strengths. It's hoping that some day I'll go back to being a really bad liar, with no recent experience.
